i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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