I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
