Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
