Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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