how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
