you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
