honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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