I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
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It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
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he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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