so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
me + whiskey = a bad person
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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