where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
