i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
