You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
