He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
