I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
