I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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