i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
