so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize