I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
