I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm sobbing to NWA
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
