Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
