I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
