I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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