I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
