You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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