we're blogging at a bar
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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