Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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