i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
