tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize