i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
