i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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