I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
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