she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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