Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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