Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
