Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
