You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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