so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
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apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
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You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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