I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
