Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
