doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just found puke in my bra..
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
