Your tits are I can't wait for
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
