I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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