Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's shark week go big or go home
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
