Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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