i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
