I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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