How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
