Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.