Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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