Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
