i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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