did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
