Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
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