last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
