my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
