Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
vagina is talking i cant
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
