she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
