i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
