Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
