The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
