There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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