I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
